Ashley Jamesのインスタグラム(ashleylouisejames) - 11月16日 02時31分

Mum shaming. Let’s talk about it.

In some ways I feel like a new mum, but I’ve been a one for almost 3 years now. Or 4 years if you include pregnancy - which is when the mum shaming starts.

So firstly, I should say: the Just You Waits and Debbie Downer comments were the hardest thing in pregnancy, including the pelvic girdle pain. I found any time I felt joy, the negative Nancy’s would appear like dementors in Harry Potter.

And when I had postnatal depression with Alf and people said things like: “if you think it’s hard now, just you wait...” It almost sent me over. I needed to believe it’d get better
And it did. For me.

But now, and hear me out: I can see the other side. Those who brush off our struggles with comments like: “mums are so negative”. “It’s not as bad as everyone made out”. Those comments can sting, because it feels like parents, but especially mother’s have genuine struggles - societal struggles like the impossible juggle, childcare costs, being dismissed as negative, trying to function when sleep deprived (and I don’t mean the newborn bubble), traumatic births - etc. The amount of times I hear people say: “your only hear the negative stories”. As if we wear a traumatic experience like a badge of honour. My first birth will stick with me for life. I can assure you, those with traumatic births WISH they had positive ones to share, and I hope for a time where all people will have positive stories.

But what I do know is: we have to stop projecting our struggles onto others. Because they might not have the experience the same as ours. And we have to trust that every mother has done their research and doesn’t need to be told what she is doing ‘wrong’. Because every baby is different. We also need to stop discussing struggles as being negative.

Anyway, I hope everyone is able to have the self awareness to not be triggered by others experiences. To be supportive of someone’s unique journey without just you waiting or dismissing them as negative.

We need to stop judging, stop projecting, and show compassion for each person’s unique journey and be empowered in our own choices - and even if others parent differently we can support them. ❤️

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