ジ・オニオンのインスタグラム(theonion) - 10月28日 04時30分

NAPLES, FL—Warning that the dangerous contaminant could have easily killed someone if the proper precautions had not been taken, students at a Florida high school were reportedly locked in a decontamination chamber Friday after exposure to a book. “On Friday morning at approximately 8:02 a.m., one of our teachers discovered that a student had come into contact with a 200-page piece of literature and immediately reported it to local authorities,” said school Principal Janice Felter, adding that the student and several of their classmates were immediately placed into straight jackets, tied to gurneys, and sealed in decontamination chambers where they would remain until any acquired knowledge had finally left their bodies.⁠
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